One for the Money parody PrussiaXReader chapter1
by littlemisskawaiipants
Summary: Just a giant rip off of the movie/book One For The Money
1. Chapter 1

My name is (First Name) (Last Name). I live in (City Name), where houses are average, yards are small, cars are American and the people are from everywhere. Currently I had been fired from my old job at selling underwear at Dillard's, had no food in my fridge , I am driving a car I can't afford and about 3 dollars in the bank. Right now I was driving into my parent's driveway and if my dashboard clock was working I was 5 minutes late, which also meant that mother probably thought I was dead. She was standing on the front porch with her hands on her hips "(First Name) (Middle Name) (Last Name) I thought you were dead, and your father is getting hungry!" "I'm 5 minutes late mama calm down, what's for dinner?" "Pot Roast, dried out but, pot roasts none the less"

Those five short minutes that I was late to dinner, my mother spent waiting to her sirens, my Nana spent rambling on about who that we knew had died that week and my father spent thinking about ways to kill Nana and where to hide the body.

About 30 minutes into dinner "And you know who else died? Randy Anderson! 73 years old, heart attack" "Oh, his poor kids-(Name) you haven't touched your roast!" I sighed; sooner or later I had to tell them," I have some bad news" "Oh My God! You found a breast lump!" she yelled touching her breasts "(Mother's Name)!" my father yelled "No, no! Not a lump Jesus Mom! I got laid off from Dillard's" everyone looked shocked, "6 months ago" "6 months ago! And you're just now telling us!" "And about 10 minutes before they tow away the car" "Jesus Christ your just now telling us all of this!" my father yelled at me with a mouth full of green beans," You know what you need hon'?" my Nana asked my parents decided to answer that for me "A job" my father said still eating "A husband" we all looked at mother "You know, Freddy Walters is single!" me and my grandmother rolled our eyes "I was married once before, I didn't like it" I just got divorced about a year ago. Freddy Walters was a short fat and awkward man with what little black hair he had made into a comb over, he owned the electronic store.

Before anyone could say anything else we heard a car being towed. We all ran over to the window looking out to the street, I knew it was car they were towing. "Don't worry it's just my car." "I thought you said 10 more minutes!" my Nana yelled. My mother ran upstairs "I can't take this anymore!' and my father ran after her going to comfort her, I don't know what they're all worked up about, they were towing _my_ car.

A few hours later my father drove me home. I looked around my apartment. In my living room I had old blue futon, a plastic chair and a small table. All of which were probably as old if not older than Nana. I had gotten rid of most of the other furniture to pay for rent for a couple more months after I got fired. I went to my kitchen and opened the fridge all that was in there was vegetables for my hamster Mr. Whiskers, eggs, Tabasco sauce, beer and some milk that probably wasn't to be trusted. I got out the vegetables for Mr. Whiskers I put a carrot in his cage and decided it was probably a good idea to just go to bed after today's ordeal.

*~Next Morning ~*

The next morning I woke up to the sound of knocking on my door. I almost didn't get it scared it would be my landlord telling my rent was late. I got up and opened the door to find my Nana smiling at me "Well finally!" she said dramatically "Hey Nana" "I have a little present for you! Big Blue!" jingling the keys .Big Blue was a blue 240SX Nissan that Nana had been driving for ages "Oh Nana I can't take Big Blue" of course I could, but I did know my manners "What are you going to do? Ride the bus like a gypsy? No granddaughter of mine will be a gypsy! Or ride the bus!" she handed me the keys and petted my hair "And maybe run a comb or something through your hair, so you feel better" "I feel fine Nana" "Okay maybe to make ME feel better, now get dressed and drive me back home" As I was driving Nana home we started talking about me finding a job "Ya' know your cousin Francis is looking for a recovery agent at his bond company" "Ugh Franny? He tried to make-out with me at my own wedding", but I did need a job so maybe I should just suck it up and go to Franny's bond company.

I got dressed in a (favorite color) dress suit and put my hair and went to Franny's bond recovery company. Every criminal and sleaze had been threw his company, Franny's company was about hiring recovery agents to catch people who missed court dates or broke their bonds. Francis was sick guy when it came to sex, I didn't listen to gossip much, but from what I had heard he would get random women mainly hookers when he got horny even if he was married and don't even get me started on what I heard he did to that duck.

I walked in and I saw a girl with long brown hair with orange flowers clips, green eyes and a large chest."(Name)? (First Name) (Last Name) is that really you?" "Uh….Yes?" "It's me! Elizveta Hetavetrary! You went to high school with my cousin! Natalia" "Oh yeah! Oh is she doing?" "Not so good, big as a house, but anyways please don't tell me you're here because you got in trouble with the police or something?" she asked with a worried look. "No! No! I'm actually heard that you have a job offer" "Oh yeah, that" she looked unamused "You'll have to talk to Francis in the back and to tell you the truth I know he's your cousin and all, but if I could find another job I would run out of here like there was no tomorrow." "Yeah I know, but I'm desperate" she gave me a sad looked and pointed me to his office.

I walked in and Francis was doing paperwork until he heard me come in "Hey Franny" "Don't call me that" "Whatever I need a job, the recovery agent thing" "I heard you got laid off, but no sorry I don't want to give you it since you have no experience it get dangerous out there with all those criminals" "Well, it's either catch or become a criminal at this point" "That bad huh?" "Yes, and besides you put your tongue in my mouth at my wedding" he looked shocked and blushed out of embarrassment "You know I was very drunk! And you looked like someone I knew" "I was wearing a big white dress and a veil." I sat silently and looked at me with frustration and then a grin popped onto my face "You know I used to get my nails done by a very chatty woman, with long blonde hair, can't recall her name though…" "H-How chatty?" "VERY, anyways how's your wife?"


	2. Chapter 2

After blackmailing him, Francis decided he would give me the job. He handed me a box full of cases on bond breakers and people missing there court dates. I was looking through it until I came to certain one; Gilbert Beilschmidt, the self pronounced Mr. Awesome, the giant player, the hottest guy in town and he knew it and the guy who stole my virginity on the floor of a closed bakery when I was 17.

After high school, he became a cop to everybody's surprise we all thought he would be the one behind bars not the one putting people there. I read it, it said he shot an unarmed man with a personal weapon when he was off duty and more important he was worth half a million, dead or alive. "I want this one" I should the file to Francis, and he snatched it out of my hands "No way, he's too much for a newbie like you and he's worth too much. If it doesn't work and we don't catch him I lose this whole place." "Remember the chatty blonde?" he sighed and handed me back the files."Fine, just be careful with him okay? I know you have history with him." I rolled my eyes and walked out. I said goodbye to Lizzy and walked out to my car. I had gotten the job! I decided that the next thing to do is probably go to Gil's apartment since I couldn't think of anything else to do.

As I was driving to his apartment I decided to call my best friend (best friend's name) "Hey (BF)! I got a job!" "Oh yay! I'm so happy for you! What is it?" "I'm a recovery agent for Francis' bond company!" "Seriously? Francis? You as a bounty hunter?" "Oh shut up I black mailed him, and guess who my first target is" "Who?" "Gilbert Beilschmidt" "Seriously? I heard about what happened on the news! And didn't he-""Yeah! We don't need to get into that!"

I pulled up to his apartment building and walked up to his apartment # that I had gotten from the landlord "Hold on sec," Knocking on his door was the only thing I could think of, "Gilbert! Hey you didn't go to your court date I need to take you in!" of course he wasn't there I walked pack to the parking lot and decided to wait for him, "He wasn't at his apartment" "Well of course he wasn't dumbass! He shot unarmed man when he was off duty! He's a wanted man he wouldn't be at his apartment" "Shut up wait wait who the hell Is that?" a bright yellow old mustang drove up and out came a tall muscular blonde man with ice blue eyes. "Wait is that Ludwig? Did he loose like 80 pounds?" "Yeah He got tired of being called Gil's fat brother, now he's Gil's scary brother." "Ya' know you're not being very nice" "Whatever, hang up and follow Ludwig!" I hung up and started to walk up to the car until Ludwig came out of the building carrying a duffel bag. I cussed under my breath and quickly walked back to my car without him noticing me. It wasn't going to be very hard to follow him he's car was flashy… and yellow.

I followed Ludwig to an old abandoned night club. I hid behind a dumpster waiting until he left. When he finally left I ran up right before the door closed and walked in. I started walking around "Gil? I'm your recovery agent you missed your court date! I'm h-"I pushed against a wall with a hand covering my mouth, my (e/c) eyes met with red ones "Mein Gott! (Name) (Last Name)! Seriously? You're here to finish me off from when you ran over me with your car!" okay I maybe ran over the curb and broke Gilbert's leg in three places "You know you should be nicer to women, and you know that was accident! "You jumped the curb, broke my leg in 3 places." He got really close to my face "I think about you when it rains" "See! That was almost nice! I'm here to take you into the police station, you missed your court date." He started to laugh his strange hissing laugh and smirked "Seriously? Franny sent you? No way! You don't have a gun, cuffs or back-up! But thanks for the laugh though I don't really get to laugh that much these days, since… well you know" He started to walk down the stairs and I ran after him "Come on Gil! Just get in the car and we can get you a court date and we have history!" I smiled at him, but he stopped walking and frowned at me "1. I know I'm innocent the guy I shot Benny was moving cocaine,2. If the jury for some reason doesn't believe I'll be going to jail and you want to know what happens in jail to cops? It's not pretty 3. Exactly we have history as in the past waaaay in the past! Just like the pyramids baby!" and outside. I ran after him again "Come on Gil, it won't take long and if you are innocent the jury will know!" I started looking for my keys in my small purse, as soon as I found them Gil got really close to me and pressed me against the car "You know (Name), your still smoking hot?" I felt the warmth rise to my face "And I like how let your hair get all (hairstyle, that isn't straight) it really suits your personality wild and exciting" "You don't know anything about my personality…" His face got closer to mine and he was about to kiss me, when he grabbed my keys and through them in the dumpster. "Seriously Gilbert!" he ran into his car "Yeah sorry! Your ass is still great though!" and he drove off. I had to spend my first day on the job searching through a dumpster for my car keys.

I went back to Franny's and sat on Lizzy's desk covered in dumpster gunk, pissed off. "No offence honey, but could you move over? You smell like a dumpster" "Really? I honestly can't smell it anymore." I sighed "Lizzy? I need help with this case, I don't know what I'm doing here." She gave me sad look and wrote down a number "Her after you shower call Toni, he'll help you with Gilbert." "Toni? What is he? A pizza boy?" I took the number and went home to take a shower to stop smelling like a dumpster.


	3. Chapter 3

I was so, so, so, wrong about the Toni being a pizza boy thing. He probably had the build of a Greek god, curly chocolate brown hair, emerald green eyes and cinnamon skin and he was wearing a tight black V-neck. I met him at a dinner in the middle of town, I ordered fries and he just ordered a tomato. "So you're going after Gil? He's a big case for a beginner" "Yeah well I need the cash badly." "So what do you know about the whole case?" "Well I know that, Gilbert was off duty, that he used a personally weapon, the guy he shot Benny was unarmed , and Benny was moving cocaine around and that he used was 20.7 hydro shock( I don't know guns or bullets sorry)." He gave me a impressed look "Do you even know what that is?" "A gun?" "It's a bullet, goes in some unlucky head like a bb bullet comes out the size of a potato" I put down my fries, I had just lost my appetite. "Sorry… Do you even own a gun?" "No" he sighed "Alright come with me" we both paid for our food and left.

Toni took me to the gun store, when we got there I started looking around, while Toni started talking to lady with giant over sprayed brown hair and thick Texan accent. She pushed a gun over the counter towards me, for a second I just looked at it "Take the gun, sweetie" I did what she said. Me and Toni loaded our guns and went to the shooting range. I got 2 out of 5 bullets in the shooting paper Toni pushed the button to make my paper come over to us, I pulled it off the hook and showed Toni it with a big smile, which made me look like a toddler showing there mommy a picture they drew " See! 2 out of 5!" Toni rolled his eyes and started shooting his, when he was done he pulled his up and showed me the body on the paper didn't have a head just a giant hole and then the rest of the body. "Well your gun is bigger than mine and holds more bullets." He rolled his eyes again and took my gun "I'm going to go pay for this I'll be right back" "Oh I can't let you pay for this" "Oh don't worry when you catch Gilbert you'll be paying me back, she won't sell to you, you don't got a permit" "Oh"

I went back to Franny's and went up to Lizzy's desk while she was typing something into the computer; she stopped and turned towards me "Hey (Name)! I heard you got a gun from Toni!" "Yeah, hey I need some leads or something to help with Gilbert" she pouted out her lips and looked through some paperwork she had and found light blue one "Here her name is Amy Lopez, she's been missing, but she has friends on Fleet Street that might help you" I thanked her and drove to Fleet Street.

Fleet Street was on the ghetto part of town, you know hookers, gangs adult video stores that kind of thing. I stopped at the address that was on that paper it wasn't a apartment or anything it was just a the middle of the street. I saw two hookers standing on the corner; one was extremely large chested, chubby and short the other one was tall and skinny. I guess the short one was called Coco since I heard her yell at someone driving "Come over here baby and I'll make you crazy for these coco puffs!" but when I got in front of them they took out their phones and pretended to be talking to someone "Um excuse me?" the tall one "Can't you see we is on the phone?" Coco nodded and went back to pretending "I-I'm looking for Amy?" They looked at each other and both said "I'm gonna call ya back gurl" and hung up on the imaginary people "Finally somebody give a shit about us workin' gurls, what'cha need baby?" "Um, someone told me I could ask her to help me find Gilbert Beilschmidt" "Oh did he get ya knock up?" I looked down at my stomach to see if it looked like I was pregnant "No! He missed his court date, I'm his recovery agent" the skinny one looked at me "You is a bounty hunta huh? Humph figures" "So do you know where Amy is? Or anybody I could talk to that could help?" they gave each other a worried look and the skinny girl yelled at Coco "Gurl do not tell her! Do no-" "Ivan, he wrestles at the gym right ova there" "Thank you!" I ran over to the gym that was next door "Gurl! What did I say don't tell that gurl!" "What! She was blocking my business" Coco said patting her overly exposed cleavage.

I walked into the gym and saw a man that looked like the manager "Uh, excuse me?" He looked me up and down "What did you get lost girl scout?" "No, I'm Gilbert Beilschmidt's recovery agent and someone told me to talk to Ivan or someone else to help me find him." He looked surprised "The name's Lovino Vargas" he stuck out his hand and I shook it and he led me to his office. "So you're looking for Ivan right now?" "Yeah" "You know, I brought Ivan in here when he was kid, only 14, he's my best fighter" I nodded not knowing where he was going with this "He just… gets in trouble a little more than I would like him too, and sometimes I can't control him. If I was you I would just leave this all alone. Now I have to go" and he walked out. I went down stairs to the actually gym part and went to a cage were two men were boxing, well one of them was and the other one was getting the snot beaten out of him." H-Hello is one of you Ivan?" The tall pale man that was doing to the actual boxing stopped and let the guy get up. When the other man walked out I saw blood on his face and that he was crying "If you want to talk to me you'll have to step into my office" he motioned to the steel cage, I slowly walk into it and he grabbed my hand and shook it. I shook his too, but when I stopped shaking it he just tightened his grip on mine "h-hehe strong grip" "So I heard you're looking for me, do you need me to beat the shit out of somebody?" his grip tightened "No, I'm was wondering if you knew where Amy was?" "Oh that whore? I took care of her" "What do you mean you took care of her?" Instead of answering me I threw across to the other side of the cage. "Why should I let a bitch, ask me a whole lot of questions, if she won't pay me back?" he started to move his hand up my leg.

I don't why I didn't use my gun, but I didn't I hit with my purse like a sissy. Right afterwards though there was gun shots and Ivan and everybody else in the gym tucked giving me a chance to run out of there. Which I did. I ran into the parking lot of the gym when somebody grabbed my arm and turned me around, it was Gilbert. "What the hell do you think you were doing in there?" Instead of answering him I pulled out my gun and pointed it at him, "Wow! Wow! (Name) put down the gun!" "Why should I?" "Because I haven't done anything to you!" I raised my eyebrows "Okay, I haven't done anything to you recently and besides you won't shoot me." "How do you know that?" "Because you didn't use it on Ivan when he was about to rape you, you just hit him with your purse." I lowered the gun and he grabbed it out of my hands and unloaded the bullets "Hey! That's my gun!" "This is what you get for pointing it at me, and I don't you want you talking to Ivan anymore he's been charged with rape 3 times, but gotten out scout free because all the victims have gone missing" "Ha! See! You do care about me!" He blushed, which made him look even cuter "I do no! I just would rather not have you raped and murdered that's all" "That's good enough for me, well if you are going to empty my gun at least let me ask you a question" "Fine,since I'm being so nice today you get one question make it quick" I thought for a second "Okay, who's Amy? And why does she know Ivan?" he sighed "She was my informant, she would give me information and I gave her protection, Ivan was her boyfriend, probably the one I was protecting her from." He pulled the hood on his hoodie up over his head and the collar on his leather jacket up "You know with that hoodie you look like you're about to rob a gas station" "What can I say, I'm a wanted man" I rolled my eyes and he walked to me to my car "Wow you're such a Gentlemen!" I said over dramatically "Oh shut up I'm making sure Ivan doesn't jump you" "Yeah, suuuure" he rolled his eyes and I got in "I am going to turn you in one of these days Beilschmidt" "I'd like to see you try" and I drove off home.


	4. Chapter 4

After my ordeal with Ivan and Gilbert, I had to go to my parent's house for dinner and to make things better this time I was 10 minutes late which met she would probably making funeral plans. Instead of seeing my mother with her hands on her hips standing on the porch, I saw her standing there with a big smile on her face "Oh (Name)! You're here! I made your favorite tonight (favorite dinner)" alright something was up. The up was Freddy Walters sitting at our dinner table, when I walked in he got up, "Hello (Name)" "Hi Freddy..." "You look good! I like what you've done with your hair" "Oh yeah my hair, it's same as always" "Well I like always" Tonight was going to be a long night.

As dinner went on, Freddy would every so often look up at me while he was eating dinner, "This is real good Mrs. (Last Name)" "Thank you Freddy, anyways how's the electronic business" "Booming" my mother gave me a look like to say 'See, he's definitely your next husband' I looked over to Nana who was just glaring at Freddy, either she didn't like the thought of me getting married to him either or she was mad because he was sitting in her seat."So (Name), I heard you got a new job" "Oh yeah I'm a recovery agent now for Francis""Oh yeah? A bounty hunter huh? That's interesting" "Yeah, yesterday I got a gun" Everyone looked shocked except for Nana who looked excited "Oh don't worry she's only joking. Riiiight (Name)" Nana got the gun out of my purse "Aha! Good for you (Name)!" "Mother, put that away" " Good for you (Name)" "Yeah, I'm chasing after Gilbert Beilschmidt" "Hey, didn't you run him over with your car" My father spoke up as my mother prayed "That is just an ugly rumor, never happened" "So Gilbert huh? I knew the guy he shot Benny" "Yeah Benny" "Well, I didn't know him know him, I sold a big screen for the Super Bowl last year to him" "Yeah?" "Yeah, and he would hang out and gamble at the butcher's across the street, Andy's,yeah that's right"

While me and Freddy were talking, I hadn't noticed Nana had started pointing my gun at Freddy and at the dinner, until I heard my mother yell "Put the gun away Mom!" instead of putting it away Nana shot dinner and it exploded all over us making my mother scream "Haha! Right in the kisser" and she put my gun away in my purse "(Mother's Name)! She needs to be put in a home!" "(Father's Name) how could you she's my mother!" and she ran upstairs, Freddy sat there cleaning his glasses "hehe, like fireworks..Made out of meat"

When dinner was over and when Freddy had left , me and Nana went out on the porch and looked over the case "Didn't you and him have a little fling in the bakery-" "It was in high school Nana" "Alright,Alright" "I'm in it for the money, that's it" "You know what you lack honey? Vision" and she patted me on the shoulder and went inside.

*~The Next Morning*~!

I was walking around my apartment reading a letter I had just gotten from my landlord saying that I had failed to pay rent. Great. Phone started ringing "Hello?" "Someone needs to shut you up,for good" Shit it was Ivan "How did you get this number?" "When I want something bad enough, I make sure I get it, so you better watch out little bounty hunter" and he hung up. I threw the phone on the couch.

I met up with Toni at Gil's apartment and told him about Ivan "Well it's good that he's angry, it's mean I'll get sloppy" "Ha!Yeah good for you maybe, I bet you know a death choke hold, all I know is how to swing a purse" he rolled his eyes and we went up to Gilbert's apartment.

Toni picked the lock with a special kit he had in his bag "How does someone learned something like this?" "On the fly baby, on the fly" he got the door unlocked and opened it "Alright you go in search for clues and I'll stay here and stand watch" "Wait you're not going in?" "No somebody always has to stand watch, always or somebody gets shot" I nodded and walked in and started looking for clues.

It's pretty easy for me to imagine Gilbert, being a normal person, paying bills, taking showers. I looked in his room and saw a red bra with a note hanging on the mirror and he was still breaking hearts. I went back into the living room, when I was looking through some drawers I looked up and saw some keys hanging on the lamp. Perfect. And I walked out of the apartment "Anything?" "Nothing, but I did find his keys" Toni smirked, we went into the parking lot, "Let's see what wheels Gilbert has" Toni put his hands in the air "I didn't see anything" I clicked the button on the keys and a sliver Explorer beep "An Explorer, nice" I decided I would 'commandeer' his car to draw him in. Toni drove off in his car, and I drove off in Gilbert's.

I was driving to Franny's when I looked over in the passenger seat and saw my 'failed to pay rent' and sighed "I need cash". I walked in saw Lizzy ordering some files "Alright I'll admit it will take longer than I thought to catch Beilschmidt" she smirked and me looked through the files "Jason Rizzoli, got drunk as a sailor and stole a police curser, check the bars in Fleet he's in one of them right now" "There's like a million bars on Fleet, I need fast money not easy money" she sighed and looked through more files "Here Walter Edgington he lives in your apartment building, got kicked out of 2 retirement homes for flashing" "Oh yeah Walter he gives me his news paper for my hamster, he's a perv that'll be easy, Thanks Lizzy!" I took the file and drove back home to get Walter.

I walked up to Walter's door which was open and knocked "Mr. Edgington? I'm your recovery agent, you missed your court date" I walked in "Well hello beautiful~" I saw that he was naked the only thing covering his junk was the newspaper he was reading "Come one sir, why don't you put on a robe and I can take you to get a new court date" "New court date yes, robe no. I was born naked I'm going to die naked, so everything in between will be NAKED" and he stood up, I put my hand up so I didn't have to look at his twig and berries.

As me and Walter were waiting for a red light to change in Gilbert's car "Well, not too sure what happens now , but I feel really bad for having to do this" he got a pervy look on his face and started getting closer "NOT THAT BAD!" a van behind us started honking at us "What are you honking at it's still red!" I looked in the mirror and I saw Gilbert behind us looking at the license plate and I started rolling up the window "What the hell do you think you're doing?! This is my car!" "Mine for right now Beilschmidt so suck it!" He looked at Walter and took off his sunglasses "Mein Gott! Is that guy naked?!" Walter smiled "Stop worrying kid sunlight's good for the boys!" "You better have pants on old man!" the light changed green "Hey Gil, I've got to go to the police station, but you are more than welcome to follow us it would make my job a whole lot easier" He tried to open the door " Open the door (Name)! Open the door right now" I acted like I couldn't hear him and drove off to the police station to drop off Walter and collect my money.


	5. Chapter 5

I met up with Toni again at the dinner. I ordered spaghetti when he walked in "Hey I heard you finally finished a case" "Yep, and after I eat I'm going to cash in the check" "You do know it will be harder to take down Gilbert right? He's a good cop, probably a better criminal" "Yeah I know" "Anyways what's your story with him I mean you buy a gun and you steal his car" "I sold him a cupcake in high school" the waitress came over with my food "Honey half the women in (state name) sold Gilbert Beilschmidt there cupcake" I almost choke on my spaghetti and Toni just laughed "Seriously (Name)?" "Shut up" his phone rang "Ah sorry duty calls, you know he's going to try and steal his car back right?" "I'm counting on it" he smiled and walked out.

I drove over to Fleet Street, to talk to Coco. When I pulled up her and her friend Baby doll strutted up to the car "Now this a manly car!" "Thanks I commandeered it" "Shee-it the bitch stole it" Baby doll said and walked back to the staircase they were standing at, "Have you guys seen a big tan van driving around here lately?" "No" "Bitch will you stop givein' it away for free, now you just want to ride up here and start askin' questions" "Hey I heard you was a bounty hunta, does that make good money?" "Yeah 10% of the bond" Coco turned around and yelled at baby "Hey we should change our profession! Hey if you want to get info from Coco you need to bring her a snack! " "Alright will do thanks!" and I drove off "Bitch a snack?" "What? It's hot I'm hungry!"

I drove home and decided to park Gilbert's car and wait for him to try and pick it up. Here's a little street survival tip, if you don't want your car taken remove the master fuse. I walked behind a bush and decided to wait for Gilbert there. Unfortanley for me, it started pouring. In about 2 hours of waiting Ludwig drove up and tried to start Gil's car. Of course he would send his brother. When he couldn't start it he got in his yellow car and drove away. Great, just great. I was soaking wet, cold and pissed off. I decided I would go inside and take a shower.

I was peacefully enjoying my shower until someone yanked the shower curtain off making me scream. That someone was Gilbert, "Where is it!" "Where's what?" "You what! The masters fuse to my car!" He a towel at me and I covered myself. "Oh like I'm going to tell you!" I saw that he was looking at my boobs "Stop staring at my tits Gil" He brought a pair of handcuffs out of his pocket and handcuffed one my hands to the shower reel "Actually I was looking at your hands, but your tits are great though" I rolled my eyes "Seriously? Handcuffs?" "It's the only way I could keep you from calling the cops or something" He started to look through my apartment for the fuse "I'm going lose my towel like this" he smirked "Wish I could stick around" Alright I'm not proud of this, but I've fantasized about being handcuffed naked in front of Gilbert, but not like this. He started to look through the cabinets and poured my cheese puffs all over the floor "Aww Come on not my cheese puffs!" He looked at all the junk food I had in my cabinets "How does someone eat like you do and look like you look" "You know what I don't get, why can't you just say it 'Hey (Name) you look great' 'Gee thanks, Gil'"

When he couldn't find the fuse he came back into the bathroom, "Why'd you steal my car?" "To draw you out, it worked" "Your naked shivering in a shower (Name) you're not capable to draw me out, you know what? Keep the car I don't give a shit, buuuut" he ripped the towel off of me "No! Gilbert Stop it" "I am keeping the towel though, you know what... never mind you can keep the towel" he was about to hand me towel, when I took my arm off my boobs he snatched it back "Haha got you!" "God Damnit!" and covered myself again. Right when he walked out I heard him "You look great (Name)!" "Gee thanks Gil,"

I saw my phone on the sink. If I call my mother she'll just send my father and that'll be awkward, so the only other person I could call was Toni. I sighed and called him, "Hey, this better be important. I'm busy" "I'm naked" there was a short pause "I'll be over there in 10 minutes" and he hung up. I covered myself in the shower curtain as best as I could and waited for him.

10 minutes later Toni uncuffed me "How did he get into my apartment anyway?" "Picked the lock" "How'd you get in?" "Picked the lock" "it was that easy?" "Yeah later we'll get you some better ones after you… get dressed" I looked down at my shower curtain dress. "Yeah, I'll be right out" I dried off my hair and put some clothes on. So that was 2 men that had seen me naked and walked away. Should I be worried?

After I got my locked fixed, I decided to go to Amy's apartment, the scene of the crime. I locked the car and some hoodlums yelled across the street "What do you think we're going to steal your car or somethin'" "it's not even mine go ahead" and I unlocked it I went to Amy's apartment and started looking around, surprisingly no pictures of her so called boyfriend Ivan. I heard some load music and looked outside, a bright red truck drove slowly next to the building I was guessing that was probably Ivan. I turned around and there was a little boy standing there "Hi buddy" a older woman probably in here 50's ran up behind him "You know you shouldn't be here sweetie" she looked up at me "and neither should you, none of us should be" "I'm here to find something about the shooting that happened here" she walked off with the little boy, "Can I ask you a few questions?" "I don't know anything about the shooting… but I do know someone that does"

She took me to a apartment a few floors up and knocked on the door, a man with blonde hair that a cowlick and blue eyes and a giant eagle tattoo on his forehead opened it "Talk to her!" "Hmmm, no!" and shut the door "She's going after the cop!" he opened the door again "Alright" I thanked her and walked in. I ask him what he remembered "So like, I was there with a bottle of whiskey and a bag of ice, ya' know because I like to chill, when BAM, a gun goes off and it's that white haired cop dude right? And I'm like Holy Shit Dude! So the cop is standing there with his gun and I just up behind and BOOM hit with my jack,right on the cop's head and then um… the, the big eyebrow guy comes up-" "Wait what big eyebrowed guy?" he put three fingers on top of his eyebrows "the BIG eyebrows guy and he comes up and he was like a SNOW LEAPORD or something and he couldn't wait to get out of their when he heard the sirens" "And that's when the cops came right?" "Yeah right! Right!" "Alright 1 more question the guy that got shot gun or no gun?" "No gun" "Alright sorry 1 more question, Did you see Amy Lopez at all that night?" "Nope" "Alright 1 more question" "You gotta stop doing that!" "Sorry, but I gotta ask. What's with the eagle?" "One night in Rico me and my buds got WASTED and when I woke up it was there" I laughed and thanked him for answering the question and walked out and went home


	6. Chapter 6

I had paid my rent for this month so I would be safe for now. I was feeding Mr. Whiskers, when I looked out the window that looked out onto the street, and I saw Ivan's red truck stop in the middle of the street. I started to get my gun out until I heard it drive off, and what he left in the middle of the street was Coco.

I ran out to her and held her, she was beaten pretty badly "Hey gurl, how you doin'?" "It's going to be okay honey, don't worry" I started calling for help, trying not to cry. Finally someone from the building next to mine came out and called 911.

*~ A few hours later*~

Babydoll and I were standing outside of the hospital doors waiting for Coco to be let out. I was holding a bag of Twinkies since she always told me she wanted a snack "We've been here foreva, for damn MRI's and shit. Why don't you go home, white gurl?" "I'm not leaving until they let Coco out." I turned around and saw Lovino walking up with a bouquet of flowers. "Hey (Name), I'm really sorry what happened to your friend" "I don't think I'm the one you should be apologizing to" "I know, just sometimes I don't know how to control him. I don't know why he does what he does to women." Right then one of the nurses came out wheeling Coco in a wheel chair. "Hey girls" she looked at Lovino "What you want?" "I'm here to apologize for what Ivan did, and please take a day to think about taking charges" and he handed her the flowers, she took them "Yeah whateva…" and Lovino walked away "Can you believe him! Tryin' to act like what Ivan did was an accident or somethin'" She slowly got up from the wheel chair "Thanks (Name), for helping me and everythin'" I handed her the Twinkies "Here, you always say you want a snack" she looked really happy when I handed her them "Thanks girl!" Babydoll said she was going to walk her home and we left in opposite directions.

I was crying on the way home, I still hadn't caught Gilbert and every time I came close I let him go, on purpose! I had a crazy rapist Russian after me and my informant got beaten so bad she had to go to the hospital.

I walked up to my apartment when I heard some noise inside. Ivan. Well if he wanted a fight I would give him one, I took out my gun and unlocked the door. I slowly walked in and looked around with my gun pointed straight in front of me. "Put the gun down (Name)" I turned around and saw Gilbert on the other side of the living room. I slowly put my gun down and started crying again. He walked across the room, put both our guns on the counter and held me. "Stop crying, I hate it when girls cry." I didn't listen and kept crying, we just stood there for a long time, when he let me go. I wiped my face and looked at him "Sorry", he took my hand and sat me at my table, and he looked through my mostly empty fridge and took out the eggs and Mr. Whiskers' vegetables. He got out bowls and a frying pan and started to make me an omelet, we didn't say anything until I broke the silence "This is so weird." "What is?" "Well, you are making me dinner, while I'm the bounty hunter chasing after you." I could see he was smirking like he always does, "Yeah, actually it is weird" we both laughed and didn't talk until he finished the omelet "(Name), your hamster eats better than you" "Not tonight" I started to eat it, it was actually pretty good. "Hey, can I use your shower?" "Yeah, but you'll have to take a bath, some asshole tore off my shower curtain." He rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom to take a bath.

Gilbert's P.O.V

I got out the tub and dried off. I looked in the mirror, what am I doing? I ask myself. I was in the girl that had run me over and broke my leg because I didn't call her when I took her virginity and to top it off she was the bounty hunter that was after me even though I was incident. I walked out and she was putting the plate that I used to make her dinner. Honestly, (Name) was really beautiful. She was smart, pretty, sarcastic, even though she could be a total bitch sometimes I still had feelings for her, but of course I would never tell her that my ego wouldn't allow it. I hadn't noticed I was blushing until she spoke up which made me blush even more "How hot of a bath did you take?" "What?" "Your face is all red, my water bill is going to sky rocket" she put her hand son her hips just like her mother and every woman in our town did. "Yeah whatever…" "Anyways you can sleep on the futon" my ego took over like it always does "Awww, that's so unawesome, can't I sleep with you!" I winked at her. She answered with an expressionless face "No" she walked into the bedroom and laid down on the small futon. (Name) had these somewhat see threw sliding doors, so when I looked up from the futon I could just make-out that she was getting undressed. I blushed even more, I don't know why it's not like I hadn't seen it before, the other day I tore off the curtain when she was showering. This is so unawesome. I got an idea in my head, since this futon was so uncomfortable, that when I knew (Name) was asleep I would just go in there, since she wouldn't do anything until the morning.

Your P.O.V again

I woke up with Gilbert's arms wrapped around my waist. Ugh of course he would do this after I fell asleep. I got an idea in my head, I turned around and said in a very seductive voice "Oh Gil~" He opened his eyes and smirked, I wrapped my arms around his neck and he leaned in to kiss me, right before he did I flicked his forehead. He opened his eyes and held his forehead "OW!" "Good! I said not to come in here. Asshole" and I got up, "Now get out I need to get dressed" "Can't I at least stay for th-""No. Get out." He got up and walked into the living room. I put on a (favorite color) tank top and jeans and walked out."So I was thinking about just arresting you today, but my gun is across the room and I don't have back up. And besides I just wouldn't be any fun" He smiled at me "Now you're getting smart, I had a plan of my own" I looked at him with an raised eyebrow and crossed my arms, "I was thinking we could team up, to prove my innocence"


	7. Chapter 7 End

I stood there shock, "What?!" "We should team up to prove my innocence, because I am and afterwards you can still turn me in and get your money" I sat down on the futon and put my head in my hands "Just let me get this clear, Me the bounty hunter should help you, my target, to prove your innocence" "Ja, pretty much" I sighed, maybe that isn't a bad idea after all, honestly I wouldn't get very much joy of seeing Gilbert but in jail for the rest of his life, okay maybe a little, but not enough now that I think about it."I can still turn you in and collect my money right?" he smiled "Ja!" I thought about it a little more, maybe we can put the past in the past and I can still collect my money, "Alright, fine" "Yes!" he ran over and picked me up hugging me, I blushed, "Oh…Sorry" and he put me down.

*~1 hour later*~

Gilbert and I were sitting at my kitchen table and Gil had a wire kit "Alright, what you're going to do is wear this wire, I can only hear you through it not talk to you and we will have to stay in mile to each other, alright?" "Alright" "Good, now take off your shirt" "Not even a please?" I smirked, he sighed "Fine, take off your shirt now..Please" I did and blushed slightly, I could see he was blushing too, "Come on Gil it's not like you haven't seen 'em before" I said feeling cocky "Shut up" and he started to tape the wire to me, "Raise your arms" I did and he tape a little box to my back and squirmed a little since it tickled "Stop moving" he laughed out "It tickles!" he finished taping the wire and everything on me and I put my tank top and a jacket on so no one would see the wire and we left the apartment in separate directions.

I decided I would go to Freddy's since he didn't just sell electronics he also sold some house appliances, like new shower curtains. I was looking through the shower curtains, when Freddy walked over to me "Hello (Name), see your looking for shower curtains" "Yeah, I've been wanting a new one…" "We've got some pretty good ones, most women go for the flowers, but I see you more of a checkered board kind of girl" I looked up and saw that across the street was Andy's butchers and also there was a man with extremely thick eyebrows, I whispered "Eyebrows dude.." "What was that?" "Oh! Um... I think I just take the flowers. I'll be right back" "I'll bring this up for you" "Yeah thanks!" I handed him the shower curtain and ran out of the store when Gilbert called me "Were are you?" "I'm going to Andy's butcher's, someone told me that I guy with big eyebrows was at your crime scene and I just spotted him pulling up there in a truck" "Alright, this is a burner phone so after I hang up I won't be able to talk to you, so stay close and…" "Yeah?" "Be careful alright, people like this can be dangerous" "Yeah don't worry I will" and I hung up. I walked in, Andy was a tall fat man with a big moustache and only side burns for actually hair, "Hiya, we just got a new shipment of flounder" "Oh really! Oh's that?" "It's good better than the tuna, but not the sea bass" The eyebrow guy popped his head in "Oui, were do you want this barrels?" "In the trunk, you dumbass! And one of them is heavy so roll or something just get it in his truck" eyebrows rolled his eyes and did what he was told, "Who was that?" "Just a guy the fishing crew send to deliver" "What's in the barrels?" He squinted his eyes at me "How's askin'?" "I-I think I'm just going to go with the flounder" he got a chunk of the smelly fish and wrapped it in paper and I paid for it and walked out. As soon as I walked out I threw the fish in a trashcan "Hey Gil, I'm going to follow Andy's truck, you better be close" I said into the wire and got into my car and followed the car.

Andy's truck went to the fishing dock's which took about 2 hours of following them. "Gil they're at the docks I'm going to go in." I parked a few hundred yards away, so they wouldn't see my car and ran up to the docks. I walked on the docks and stopped when I came up to a boat with no name on the back of it, I was looking at barrel, when "(Name)!" I almost screamed until he put his hand over my mouth, I hit him I loudly whispered "Don't do that! I almost blew our cover" He smirked "I know something you can blow" "Oh grow up! Look at this barrel" he put two fingers in it and looked at "Yep, that's cocaine" "So Andy and the eyebrow guy were moving cocaine with Benny?" "Yeah! What did I just say 'It's cocaine'" "Shut up, I was just making su-"I was interrupted by two gun shots "The truck!" and me and Gilbert ran over to it.

We climbed in the truck and Gilbert handed me a flashlight. I switched it on and we started to look around. There were giant pieces of cows hanging up and it was freezing probably to keep the meat good. Gilbert and I walked to the back when we saw Andy's and the eyebrow man's dead bodies with bullet holes in their foreheads, I covered my mouth trying not to through up "Don't through up you'll mess up the crime scene" "Oh yeah thanks" I said sarcastically. Gilbert started to try and open barrels around when he came to one that he could "Hey lend me the light" I stepped closer and pointed the light at the barrel. Gilbert opened it and we jumped back, inside was Amy's dead body stuffed inside the barrels. I looked at Gilbert who looked like he was about to be sick "Don't through up, you'll ruin the crime scene" I said mocking his voice "Shut up" he stood up with his back to open side of the truck, so who framed me killed, Amy, Andy and Eyebrow man…" I went as white as Gilbert's hair, Ivan was standing right behind outside of the truck, "What?" he was about to turn around "Don't turn around!" he sighed and closed his eyes in frustration "It's Ivan isn't it" instead of me answering Ivan did "Da" and he grabbed Gilbert and threw him on the ground and started to beat the hell out of him, in between punches Gilbert would yell "(Name) get your gun!" 'Oh! Right!" I hopped over to my purse and started looking for my gun "Can you hurry it up (Name)! I'm dying here!" he was currently getting punched and kicked at the same time. The gun was too hard to find at the moment "Fuck this!" I grabbed my pepper spray, Ivan saw me getting closer and stopped beating Gil and turned towards me "Cover your eyes Gil!" I did the same and pushed the button on the spray, I heard Ivan screaming, good, I opened my eyes and saw Gilbert take out his gun and hit him across the head and Ivan went down, "Pepper spray, nice" "Thanks, pistol whip nice" "Thanks, alright start looking for more evidence" "Alright"

I started looking around for clues, when I saw a gun on the ground , it wasn't mine or Gilbert's I was about to pick it up when I saw a pair of shoes come into few, I looked up and saw the owner of the shoes was Lovino Vargas. "Oh Lovino! I'm glad you're here Ivan attacked me!" I started to walk back to the truck, when I walked back and Gilbert turned around this time he went pale "What?" "Don't turn around", but I didn't listen I turned around and Lovino was holding the gun to me and Gilbert "Alright so what's going to happen now is that you're going to handcuff Gilly over here to the truck and then Ivan is going to rough you guys a up a little but actually rough you up a lot." We both stood in shock "Well, go fucking cuff him you dumb bitch!" he handed me a pair of handcuffs and I handcuffed Gilbert to the hand reel "Sorry" "It's fine it either this or get shot" Lovino started trying to wake up Ivan "Now wake up you dumb shit!" He looked up at us "You know, I wasn't always like this, I was just a normal gym owner until that son of a bitch Benny came into my office and said 'you want to earn some extra cash, by helping me move cocaine?' well of course my first thought was absolutely not I'm not that kind of guy, but then I thought since in these times money is scarce and with Ivan's record shit gets expensive," I started stepping closer to my purse and got out my gun and put it in my back pocket "so I agreed and a everything was going fine until Amy had to be a bitch and call German boy over here to save her, oh that little whore knew what she was doing but she still called you! And you want to know something else? She was already dead by the time you got there! And then you!" he pointed his gun at me "You! Little bounty hunter girl had to put your nose where it didn't belong! And then you pissed Ivan off and he got stupider than usual, by trying to go after you and beating your fat little hooker friend" He stepped back and was about to pull the trigger "But now I'm going to fix everything, by killing you and framing it on little copper boy and all my problem will be over!" I got my gun out just as he pulled the trigger and shot me in the ass, I shot him 5 times in the chest.

"Holy shit (Name)! You've been hit!" I put a hand to my ass and my hand was covered in blood "Too bad it was a great ass." I looked over to him and glared at him, until an idea popped into my head. "Alright uncuff me and we can go to the station and you can get your money" I smiled and got up and started to walk out of the truck and grabbed my purse "Hey (Name), Hey! Wait!" he started trying to pull the handcuffs of the pipe. Just as I closed the truck door he got loose, I locked the door and walked to the driver's seat.

I had to leave Lovino there since I could even think about dragging him in the truck. I could hear Gilbert yelling and banging on walls "(Name) (Last Name) I'm going to kill you when I get out of here!" at least Ivan was in there, so he could let out his anger. I called the police station "I need a few police at (city name) dock's I have had to leave the body of Lovino Vargas, he was moving cocaine and shot me, also I need an ambulance I got shot in the ass, and also…" I smiled "I got Gilbert Beilschmidt"

I drove up to the station with an audience of police officers clapping for me I blushed slightly from all the attention "be careful when you open that up, he's seriously pissed off" two officers slowly opened the door and Gilbert charged out like an angry bull, thankfully a few cops stopped him right in front of me "WHAT ARE YOU CRZY! LOCKING ME IN THERE WITH IVAN AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF DEAD BODIES! I'M GOING TO GET YOU (LAST NAME)!" "Jeez, leave him in there for a while; let him settle down, so angry" I suddenly got this huge pain in my rear "And can somebody get me to a hospital I got shot in the ass"

*~ 3 days later*~

Toni was driving me home from the hospital "Shooting Lovino 5 times in the chest and taking a hit, now that's not easy" "I know, my ass still hurts" he laughed, I looked over to the window "I can't wait to get home and just get in bed and eat! You know what they fed me in the hospital? Juice and Oatmeal , I need real food" Toni rolled his eyes and pulled up to my building. I thanked him and went to my apartment. I was feeding Mr. Whiskers when I heard a knock at the door. I walked over and looked through the peephole and standing in the hallway was Gilbert. Shit. I put the chain on the door and opened it slightly, "What?" "Open the door, I have pizza" I took the chain off the door and tried to grab for the pizza box. Instead Gilbert grabbed my waist and smashed his lips onto mine, I slowly kissed back and we parted, "What kind of pizza is it?" he rolled his eyes "Cheese" I smiled, "The kiss was for helping me prove my innocence" he smacked my ass, the part that had gotten shot, "Ow! Gil! That hurt!" "Good, that was for locking me in a truck full of dead bodies!" He kissed me again, but this time, he bit my lip asking for entrance, but I refused because he hurt my already hurt butt, he stopped and frowned at me "You're so mean (Name)! I just want to kiss!" "Don't hit my ass! I just got shot!" we sat on the couch, he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and we ate pizza, while watching T.V.


End file.
